Zip it, Simon!

"I’ve been lucky, but I also know when not to outstay my welcome". Hasn't the man learned from Tony Blair's mistakes? DON'T SAY ANYTHING. "I have three more seasons under contract with American Idol and that will be it. And it will probably come at the same time The X Factor in the U.K."

Just GO when you have to but don't announce it yet! We'll end up getting a Simon Cowell retrospective just before the new series of X Factor followed updated version at the end of the series... At Christmas there'll be Simon Cowell's All-Time Favourite Christmas Retrospectives. And there after, a potted history of Simon Cowell every six months or so for THREE YEARS.

Come 2010 (!!!) we'll all be screaming "Oh just fuck off. PLEASE!". By which point, any fondness the nation may have had for the man will have evaporated into the ether.