BRITS 2009: live Twatter report

8:19 PM: Girls Aloud are on doing The Promise. They are DELUXE. But Cheryl cannot sing. How she can say "Yer pitchin' was a bit off, pet" on X Factor I'll never know. She honked her first line like a burst car horn. U2 were on first, but, who cares? Take off yer boots and fuck off.

8:34 PM: Coldplay are jumping around in My First Soldier's Outfits. Chris Martin's got a sexy crab ladder when his top rides up. Awful mullet though. Can't get the high notes tonight so he's doing a weird monotone version of Viva La Vida. Don't the rest of the band look serious... and has anyone ever said what a terrible name Coldplay is?

9:05 PM: Take That float in on a spaceship looking like a Specsavers commercial. Why ARE they all wearing glasses? An award winning performance but I don't think they'll win any. Methinks the spaceship is a sly dig at Robbie 'UFO' Williams. Or maybe Robbie's in the middle?

Nah. Missed a chance there, love.

9:10 PM: The awards presenters are all real nonentities. The fat one from Hot Fuzz just came on and said "I don't like live music so I'm really surprised they asked me to present Best British Live Act"... Sheesh! Well thanks for coming. Now fuck off, tit.

Oh god... Talking of which. David Hasslehoff has just come on...

9:12 PM: Oh no, he says he likes British music by mentioning the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Get with the beat, baggy. The crowd are shouted "The Hoff! The Hoff! The Hoff!" But it sounds like they're saying "Off. Off. Off."

Gawd. Elbow have just won Best British Band. How tedious. They've just come up onstage and sound like they're making a cup of tea. FizzyPop notices Coldplay look pissed off while Cheryl Cole does a mean slow clap next to her [allegedly] gay husband.

9:27 PM: Kylie looks good. She's got some curves! And she presents with aplomb. But those Gavin & Stacey boys... pooh! They stink!

Aren't Florence and the Machine fucking awful. Subdued cheer as she comes on being all dizzy (pissed) to receive Best Newcomer...

Gok Wan presenting an award now. 4 words. Bottom. Barrel. Scraping. The.

9:34 PM: The Ting Tings and Estelle do a mash up of Shut Up and Let Me Go, American Boy and That's Not My Name. Bloody BRILLIANT. They all look like they're enjoying themselves. Estelle's spandex leggings look A LA MODE!

URGH! Allan Carr presents in a red turtle neck sweater and tweed jacket. He looks like a burst sausage.

9:35 PM: GIRLS ALOUD HAVE WON BEST SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aw. Bless. They're all LOVING IT. The Promise has got them their first award in six years. Sarah is deffo going on the lash tonight. Wahey, she's already started.

9:46 PM: Duffy! Best British Album! 3 out 4. She was ultra-glam performing tonight, but with a voice like Kermit the frog. Touching speech, although I'm sure the tears in her eyes were from her grandad, Tom Jones, giving her a poke in the minge with his very own BRIT award.

Next up... Brandon Flowers and PSB. Oh. And Lady Gaga. Hmmmm...

10:02 PM:Pet Shop Boys were ruddy marvelous. See how they accepted their award as giant video heads. It was a complex (vare PSB) but simple (vare PSB) mash-up of tracks. I suspect they did 25, one for every year. Love Etc and Left to My Own Devices were segued together (just as I pointed out earlier). Brandon was brilliant (with a lovely bum) striding in on "As I look back upon my life", Lady Gaga less so when she just popped up and squawked Dusty's immortal lines in What Have I Done to Deserve This. This is followed straight away by I'm With Stupid. Haha.

The Boys' outfits were a mixture from throughout the years (LOVED Neil's Brains glasses) with Chris Lowe wearing the pink wig from Can You Forgive Her looking like Andy Warhol... and looking OLD!!! And the set was reminiscent of the Cubism/Fundemetal tour, playing on their iconic look with video screens and dancers. Thank gawd there weren't any streamers at the end. That would have been SO not PSB.

Ladies and gentlemen, Pet Shop Boys...



**UPDATE** PSB geek here counted 15 tracks :) Especially liked the drums from In the Night sneaking in there... why no Sound of the Atom Splitting though? Joke.


**UPDATE** 2 Pet Shop Boys are performing LIVE this year with two new concerts announced tonight at Manchester Apollo on June 18th and London O2 Arena on June 19th. Tickets are ON SALE NOW HERE! Got mine!