Er, goodbye then!

Look at Geri! Look at Geri! Quite possibly the worst ever picture of The Spice Girls.

Mel C has been dragged kicking and screaming into this reunion. She's already talking about this being a "Goodbye to the fans" before it's even begun. In fact, she couldn't get it out fast enough. I'm sure I she was nudging the others walking towards the bank of cameras at the photocall in Greenwich going "Make sure we all say this is a Farewell Tour. You listening Geri?" Er, OK, love. Calm down, Sulky Spice.

Actually, Geri, 34, *splutter, yeah right* wasn't listening. She was floating off somewhere in her head dreaming about being Earth Mother Spice - WTF did she come as? Posh had come as Android Spice with tits that could kill. Emma was being, erm, pregnant Emma, but was still Baby Spice. And Mel B was unusually quiet but was actually suffering with the hangover from hell (she was out on the lash until 2.30am last night). Not so much Scary Spice as Sicky Spice.

Posh: "We will invade. We will kill". Mel C: "WTF am I doing here?". Geri: "La, la, la. I'm a pwetty flower". Emma: "I want chocolate". Mel B: "Bleurgh".

This will be the most loved/criticised reunion ever. The press will over analyse/igonore it. But whatever, it'll make a lot of money. The Girls will have closure (unless they become a bit deluded and actually keep going) and I'm off to the Spice Girls site to reserve my ticket.


A GOOD EXCUSE FOR A GREAT SPICE GIRL STORY.
Someone I know who worked on Spiceworld The Movie (poo, worra stinker) told me this years ago and I've since had someone relay it to me as a story from a 'friend of a friend'.

Are you sitting comfortably. Then I shall begin.

Posh Spice had a trademark stage costume then of a tiny dress and in the movie it was a little black Gucci dress. The seams went up the side and in order for it to be figure hugging tight, she would actually be sewn INTO the dress. Two costume people would pull the frock as tight as they could around here, as if it was a corset, as she shouted, "Tighter! Tighter!"

One day, the dress was so tight, and having no knickers on, Posh's pubes were pushing their way through the fabric and were actually visible. The costume people were horrified and insisted she put some underwear on. She was even more horrified and said, "No way. I don't want no VPL" (Visible Panty Line). She then grabbed a pair of scissors and began CUTTING the hairs poking through the surface of the dress.

Just then the 2nd AD came in asking for her to come to the set immediately. "Hang on!" She shouted to him, "I'm trimming me fucking growler!".

Ooh! How Posh!