Carrie and Co. are back! Back! BACK!

At bloody last! Kim Caterall has finally got her reported huge salary and a (buried already) HBO series in return for agreeing to do THE movie. But if Sex and the City is to succeed on celluloid a few things have to happen:

1) SJP does not 'place' her Lovely fragrance in any scene. It stinks. My friend's mother asked for a complimentary spray in her local Boots in New Milton, only to be told by the irked shop assistant that she'd "Rather not because it's bloody awful and lingers for hours! A bit like a bad fart if truth be told!".

2) Miranda and Steve ditch the family thing, move back to Manhattan and are seen to have sex all throughout the movie. Or maybe, we catch them post coital on several occasions, if only to see Steve, stark-bollock naked.

3) Samantha ditches her Arayan boyfriend for the sake of her character. He's bland, blonde, boring and does nothing for her. Sam works best as a singleton.

4) Charlotte and her lovely bald hubby adopt a plethora of third world orphans and create a huge melting pot of a family.

5) Mr Big is in it.

6) Aidan is also in it and comes out.

7) Aidan tries it on with Mr Big and we have a great scene where the pair of them have rampant big gay man sex. Phew.

8) Carrie doesn't go through ANY life changes.

9) That's all.

"I tell you Carrie, we ARE to blame for the gentrification of NYC".