"Excuse me, I think you'll find there's Spam on that!"

Q: "Aren't prawns an aphrodisiac?"
A: "I wouldn't put it past them".

Comedy, and in particular, good comedy I can watch again and again. It's like music to me. Like a 20 year old track that sounds as fresh as it did when I took it out of the WH Smith/Woolworths/John Menzies carrier bag and put in on me Sanyo Music Tower.

This Victoria Wood sketch starring her and Julie Walters is one of my favourites. It's so full of gags you have to watch it again because you've guffawed and spluttered over the previous three. A friend of mine has based his whole repertoire of one-liners on this very sketch. Mention prawns and he says he never touches them: "Do you know they hang around sewage outlet pipes, treading water with their mouths open? They LOVE IT!"